Catching Up

Okay, I realize I haven't posted anything in a while. This is largely because of two things:
1) The Red Sox kicking the Yankees' butts after the Yanks had a 3 game lead
2) The election.

Frankly, I don't have much to say about either. The Yankees catastrophic collapse was just too depressing to talk about here, and the subsequent World Series was a drag. The Cardinals sucked and the Red Sox finally won. No whining, no excuses...well done, Boston.

As for #2, I don't have much to say about that either. Well, I guess I do, but I don't have any interest in running yet another political blog. Most political blogs are written by either hardcore Dems or hardcore Repubs, and I don't really fit into either. Even when they're well-written, I find major holes in both persuasion's thinking. Okay, I guess I could write from the disaffected center, who think a) Bush is a crummy President and b) Kerry was a crummy candidate, but it's just not as exciting as reading some wild-eyed ideologue's rants.

In other news...finally picked up Brian Wilson's "SMiLE" and despite my skepticism, I like it quite a bit. Yeah, I wish those harmonies were by Carl, Dennis, Al & Mike (hell, even Bruce Johnston), but what can you do, it's simply not possible. Musically, I thought Wilson & co. have done a great job maintaining the musical fabric of those '66-'67 recordings. Despite Brian's voice being pretty shot, it feels of a piece with the older stuff and really works. It's definitely a must for fans of Brian, the Beach Boys or just great weirdo rock in general. I'm glad the finished product is something for Brian to be proud of, not something you have to excuse or hold your fingers in front of your face when you see on the shelf.

And I can't get Bill Cosby's "Chicken Heart" routine out of my head. HE'S ON YOUR STREET!

ALCS Haiku, Pt II

It's extra innings
these games simply have no end
Whoops! Ortiz wins it.

I did not think that
Esteban Loiaza would
pitch well, still he lost

Red Sox fans jump up
"we are not dead yet" they scream
head back to the Bronx

No timely hitting
Mussina could have pitched more
Yankees have gone cold

ALCS Haiku, Part I

Jon Lieber is hot:
"Strike one!" is the umpire's cry.
Boston falls behind.

Boston hates Jeter;
fans find him overrated.
Derek smiles and wins the game

Matsui does not
dance or glare or run his mouth
-- respect for the game.

Red Sox fans are sad
"The Yankees always win!" they
cry into their beans.

Brush With Celebrity in a Bookstore

Okay folks, I know I haven't been blogging much the last couple weeks, and there's a very good reason for that: the Yankees are in the playoffs. Yeah, I know I could blog about the Yankee games, but frankly, a lot of people already do that better than I. So, if you want to read about the ALCS, I would heartily recommend Alex Belth's Bronx Banter, Larry Mahnken's Replacement Level Yankee Weblog, and Clifford's Big Red Blog among others. You'll find some good links there to some excellent Red Sox and neutral sites.

Beyond the baseball, not much is new - still pounding the pavement looking for work. Oh, I had an interesting occurence yesterday in the Union Square Barnes & Noble. First, while in the CD/DVD section, I realized I was standing next to Amanda Peet and another actress I kinda recognized. I then realized she'd co-starred with Peet on that Jack & Jill WB show. In fact, I remember thinking she was quite good on it, too. However, I did have to look up her name: Sarah Paulson. Anyway, nothing remarkable happened, I just always find it intriguing to be standing next to a movie actress whose naked boobs you've admired on the silver screen. Heck, let's be honest, it's interesting to be standing next to an actress whose naked boobs you've admired on your friggin' PC thanks to vidcaps and nude celebrity sites and usenet groups. They're always shorter than you expect (except John Cusack). Also, she knows Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton - people I've wanted to have dinner with since I was about 11. So, I walk out of the music & movies area and I'm walking around the new books and then I realize I'm about to walk into Todd Solondz, the movie director (Storytelling, Welcome to the Dollhouse, et al). Then I proceeded to run into him again a couple minutes later. In retrospect, I should have spoken to him - how often do indie filmmakers get stopped by people? I could have asked him when his new one, Palindromes, is hitting the theatres. I once introduced myself to Hal Hartley at a Yo La Tengo show and he couldn't have been nicer. (Well, okay, he could have bought me a drink, hired me a limo, done my taxes, given me cash - I guess he could have been nicer. Still, he was cool.) He probably would have been happy to have me say hello. Of course, I think if I'd tried to talk to Amanda Peet, she'd have pepper-sprayed me. Man, I had no idea what an "in" place Barnes & Noble is.

Oh, I should add that I've never admired John Cusack's boobs in any medium...he's just taller than you realize.

Something to think about in the shower

I woke up to the news that Janet Leigh had died. For movie nuts like me, it's a bummer. She appeared in dozens of movies, from 1947 until recently, and she'll of course be remembered by most for the shower scene in Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho (1960), but she also starred in at least two other great films, Orson Welles' Touch of Evil (1958) and John Frankenheimer's The Manchurian Candidate (1962). A very good case can be made for Anthony Mann's terrific James Stewart western The Naked Spur belonging to the realm of the greats, too. Leigh was famously married to fellow star Tony Curtis in the 1950s, with whom she had two daughters, including actress Jamie Lee Curtis.
Leigh fit a certain type, one Hitchcock always employed brilliantly: the classy, smart, beautiful blonde (blondes may have been icy in Hitchcock's films, but they were never dumb bimbos). It was this aura that made her demise in Psycho all the more shocking. Not only had Hitch killed off a major movie star only a third of the way into the movie, but it remains completely jarring to see the composed, gorgeous Leigh so viciously murdered. (Seeing her in a bra and slip with John Gavin in the film's opening shots was equally galling to 1960 movie audiences.) She later claimed she was never able to take a shower after Psycho, which seems improbable, but perfect.
So Janet Leigh is gone, and now we've got Hillary Duff movies. Wonderful.

Things You Didn't Know About...The Montreal Expos

Expos great Andre Dawson changed his first name from Bobby to trick fans into thinking he was French

Played on ice in the Montreal Forum for 2 seasons in the early 70s

Rusty Staub insisted on eating crepes between innings during every game of the 1970 season

Low attendance partially due to team name: in French, "Expos" means "Canadian baseball sucks"

Although they moved on to other cities, Montreal developed superstars Larry Walker, Pedro Martinez, Vladimir Guerrero and William Shatner

Classic Expos logo is neither an M or the initials "E-L-B." It is, in fact, an abstract drawing of manager Gene Mauch

Canadiens' Hall-of-fame superstar Guy Lafleur played third base for 74 games in 1978

Had record crowd in 1985 for "Tim Raines Beret Night" promotion

Haiku time!

New York pounds Pedro
he calls the Yankees "daddy"
who is his mommy?

Bonds keeps on walking
he has over two hundred
MVP again

Kevin Brown hits wall
Red Sox hit Kevin harder
this guy is a tool

Johan Santana
Twin will be some real trouble
face him twice? No thanks.

Comedy Albums I Have Known

Alex Belth has started a great conversation about classic comedy albums at his excellent Bronx Banter site. Take a look and chime in.

The Yankees and Red Sox begin their final 3 game set of the season tonight in Boston. Anything less than a sweep for Boston will give the Yankees a very tight hold on the AL East crown. Mussina vs. Pedro tonight...always a good one.

The Cheese Stands Alone!

Just when you thought there was nothing but bad, dreary news here in the good ol' US of A, here comes a report that Americans are eating more cheese than ever before! And not just greater quantities of cheese, but better and more varieties of cheese, too. Okay, my initial reaction when I saw the story was to think "Feh! Stupid newsmedia! The world is a shambles, the Presidential candidates are sleazy boobs and they're reporting about CHEESE? Fie, I say!" Then I remembered something: I love cheese!

I would imagine that the new breed of labrynthine humongo-uber-markets that now dot the American landscape are somewhat responsible. It seems every suburban and some rural areas now have one of these insanely huge barns of foodstuffs, offering a dizzying variety of foods heretofore unkown in the hinterlands. Yes, folks, even Ma & Pa Kettle are eating Manchego and Stilton now. Bye-bye, Cracker Barrel and Velveeta! It's better living through groceries, and I like it.

I love this line from the article: "America's hunger for cheese was dampened a bit when consumers traveled and ate out less following the Sept. 11, 2001, terror attacks." I don't know about you, but while I was alternately surfing cable newschannels and breaking into spontaneous panic and sobbing attacks in the days just after 9/11, I still had a powerful desire for quality cheeses. No terrorist scumbag is going to mess with my cheese.

And yes, I realize I said "sleazy boobs," and yes, I'm a little turned on now.

Shatner gets an Emmy and now this?

Cool DVD news...I guess it's not really news at this point, but what the hell, it's still cool. For months I have been bitching that the original Star Trek series has been badly represented on DVD. They existed, but as single discs with two episodes per at a list price of about $19.95. Now who the hell is gonna collect all 79 episodes at that rate? Where were the season-by-season box sets? It made zero sense to me; you've got a classic TV show which boasts a truly looney, devoted fan-base, from the curious folk who attend conventions and dress like Klingons to plain ol' TV connoiseurs like me, and you give 'em the shaft on the DVDs? What gives?
Well, someone was either tapping my phone or thinking similarly, because the first season of the original Star Trek is finally out as a groovy-looking box set. Presumably, seasons two and three will follow shortly. Okay, it ain't cheap, but it's reasonable, all things considered, and the replay value is immense. Those of us who grew up in the New York area in the 70s and 80s grew up on Channel 11's incessant Star Trek airings (along with liberal doses of The Honeymooners, The Odd Couple and The Twilight Zone), and I miss it, badly. It was a great show to watch as a kid, and even better as a caffeine-and-booze-addled college kid, downing horrific late night snacks trying to catch a showing in the wee hours of a Sunday night. Yeah, there are plenty of folks who will only watch the later series, but those never grabbed me. There's just something about the 60s-ness of it, and of course the classic Shatner-Nimoy-Kelley chemistry.
I'm craving cheap beer and a falafel sandwich just thinking about it.

In other cool classic TV on DVD news, the first season of Columbo is out in a box set too. Another show that lives forever in reruns, for the simple reason that it's flat-out brilliant and entertaining. No one in the US or the UK has ever produced a better TV detective.

Now where the hell is Kojak?

The Name of My Current Favorite CD is...

I keep forgetting to mention that one of the all-time great live albums The Name of This Band Is Talking Heads was finally released on CD a couple weeks ago. This is a must-own for anyone who really digs Talking Heads and even for someone who just wants to see what all the fuss was about, beyond the hits. Some of the hits are here, of course (Psycho Killer, Once In A Lifetime), but this vastly expanded live set shows just what a great band this was, top to bottom. The first disc (like the old LPs) is made up of live material from 1977 and 1979 (with new bonus cuts from 1978), with the bare bones Byrne/Frantz/Weymouth/Harrison lineup flexing their chops. The second disc was recorded during the 1980-81 Remain In Light tour, with an expanded ten-piece lineup including heavy hitters like Adrian Belew and Bernie Worrell. The 70s stuff is quirky, angular, and guitar heavy while sounding unlike any guitar band you've ever heard before. The early 80s material contains some of that 70s sound, augmented by some seriously deep funk. Sure, a lot of bands have followed in their intellectual, artsy, quirky wake, but none of 'em seem to be able to make you dance and think. What a band, what a reissue. Chris Frantz is the shit.

Shadow Divers

Has anyone else read it? If you have, please comment...curious as to what others thought.

Blankman's Bookshelf

I recently finished reading Robert Kurson's Shadow Divers, which I can't recommend highly enough. It's the true story of wreck divers who found a previously unknown U-Boat wreck off the coast of New Jersey in the early 1990s. I had read an article Kurson had excerpted in Esquire a few months back, and when I finished it, I had to run out that night to buy the book. The book is a must for anyone interested in deep-sea diving and/or World War II history, but even if you've never had a passing interest in either, chances are you'll find this book riveting and fascinating. I didn't know diddley about wreck diving, its perils and rewards, and I couldn't put the book down. It's been on the NY Times bestseller list for about 8 weeks now, and it really deserves to be the sort of must-read non-fiction hit that The Perfect Storm and Into Thin Air were.
The two divers who found the wreck and solved the riddle of its identity, John Chatterton and Richie Kohler, prove to be as interesting as the story itself. Kurson's prose is taut and lean and exciting and the story is just flat-out fascinating. I wouldn't be at all surprised if Hollywood already has its hands on this one. It's a real life thriller and not to be missed.

7 Second DeLay

Oh my God - they finally found Tom DeLay! No, he's nowhere near a podium, he's talking to David Gregory on MSNBC...and you immediately realize why they're muzzling his crazy ass during this convention.

On another note, I would like to see more politicians challenge TV pundits to duels, ala Loony Zell Miller.

and General Tommy Franks as...

I'm watching General Franks address the Republican Convention and, no disrespect intended, it occurs to me that out of uniform, he looks like Don Knotts' bigger, tougher brother.
"Andy, my brother's a real big shot in the Army."
"Yeah, Barney?"
"Oh yeah, he's got at least five or six stars."

Summer Television

I'll say this for the Summer Olympics and national political conventions: they keep away the stench that is summer television. Most summers, I rely on baseball games for this, but this year, its been the Olympics and the Dems and Repubs. I mean, Arnold Schwarzenegger giving a speech or another episode of Fear Factor? Even when the speeches are dullsville, like most usually are at either convention, they make great conversation pieces. You can play political Mystery Science Theater at home with your family and friends. I'm glad they do these things in the summer.

WHERE THE CANDIDATES STAND

In this, the information age, we are often bombarded with so much information so quickly, it tends to render itself indistinct. This is especially true in regards to the current Presidential race between President George W. Bush and Senator John F. Kerry. The constant barrage of factoids and soundbites, in addition to the candidates’ own occasionally murky declarations, have left many voters confused as to what these candidates actually stand for. As a life-long politics junkie, I am most interested in getting to the bottom of things. Therefore, as a service to my readers, I have compiled the following easy to follow chart to sum up the beliefs and and positions of the candidates on a variety of important issues.

TAXES:
Bush—Seeks to lessen the tax burden on working families with a 5% across the board income tax reduction for families who attend more than two NASCAR races annually or have a net worth of over $5 million.

Kerry—Has called for a freeze on sales tax for yachts, Brie, white wine, and caviar. Also supports the NASCAR tax credit, but mistakenly believes NASCAR to stand for National Association for Sincere Criminals Attempting Rehabilitation

IMMIGRATION:
Bush—Would grant illegal immigrants immediate amnesty, provided they canvass for Republican candidates. Failing that, they will be sent to Alaska for a 7-year period of indentured servitude, seeking oil, unless they are baseball superstar Sammy Sosa.

Kerry—Has called for all illegal aliens to attend finishing school. Supports a tax break for all foreign-born ketchup heiresses.

FOREIGN POLICY:
Bush—Unilateral pledge to deploy military troops to any nation starting with the letter “I.” Vows to make the world safe for barbeque. Willing to send Toby Keith to North Korea, even without UN approval.

Kerry—Supports the President’s power to wage war when necessary, unless it’s not really necessary. Opposes unilateral use of armed forces abroad, unless it’s what the President wants to do, but suggests he not, unless he thinks it’s best, which he stresses it isn’t.

EDUCATION:
Bush—Backs federal funding for school programs in Wiffle Ball, badminton, and croquet. Will make Tee Ball an officially recognized academic requirement for grade-schoolers, replacing mathematics.

Kerry—Supports tax credit for families with children who can convincingly speak like President John F. Kennedy.

GAY MARRIAGE:
Bush—Seeks a constitutional amendment making all homosexuals officially recognized by the government as “Fairies” and “Dykes.” Will not oppose the civil union of homosexuals, provided they marry someone of the opposite sex.

Kerry—Supports mandatory gay marriage for all Americans over the age of 18.

M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN’S “THE VILLAGE”:
Bush—Found the film dull and the monsters unconvincing. Walked out of screening just after opening credits, which he found “too wordy.”

Kerry—Claims the film is an intelligent allegory about post 9/11 America, reminiscent of the work of Truffaut, Antonioni and Godard, and claims he would “totally do” Ron Howard’s daughter.

TODD BERTUZZI:
Oddly, both candidates are silent about the fate of National Hockey League miscreant Todd Bertuzzi.

PIZZA:
Bush—Says he will not take a stand on pizza, as it tends to mush it down and leave shoe prints in the cheese.

Kerry—Has not eaten pizza in 34 years.

MAD-LIBS:
Bush—Favors the use of Mad-Libs on long car trips or while hanging out with fraternity buddies. Believes they should be somewhat racy, but not use obscene language, favoring words like “thing” and “booty.”

Kerry—Believes Mad-Libs should only be written in French

M*A*S*H:
Bush—Prefers the early, Wayne Rogers/McLean Stevenson seasons, which he describes as “Really wacky.” Enjoyed the 1970 Robert Altman film, especially “That scene of Hot Lips in the shower, whoo boy!” Allegedly refers to Senator Kerry as “Winchester” and has asked cabinet members to address him as President Trapper John.

Kerry—When asked, Senator Kerry responded “Who among us didn’t enjoy the final episode of M*A*S*H?” Prefers the later, more sober Mike Farrell/Harry Morgan seasons. Attended at least five Washington costume parties dressed as Hawkeye Pierce.

MARS:
Bush—Will support a plan for sending a man to Mars. Also claims to enjoy Mars bars, although he has stated he misses the commercials with Jamie Farr.

Kerry—Supports sending President Bush to Mars

I need a job.

Would you like to give me a job? I am loyal, relatively hard-working, smart, fun to hang out with, yadda yadda yadda. Also, I'm good at ordering take out. I am living a newly nomadic lifestyle which involves a lot of nuthin'. Anyway, just checking in. Now back to Athens...

Things You Didn't Know About...The Summer Olympics

In the ancient games, while the athletes were nude, they were made to wear false mustaches

In Munich in 1972, Mark Spitz set an Olympic record by eating 14 pieces of knockwurst

At the 1932 Los Angeles games, Edward G. Robinson narrowly defeated James Cagney for the gold medal in gangster movies

Despite his years of work with the Special Olympics, decathlon gold-medallist Rafer Johnson is not mentally retarded

Some of the events no longer held: Dwarf Tossing, Coal Mining, Gypsy Beating, the Megaphone Yell and Reichstag Burning

Isotoner paid Tommie Smith and John Carlos handsomely for their Black Power salute at the 1968 games in Mexico City

The Oscar-winning film Chariots of Fire is a true story based on the life of Olympian Muhammad Ali

Stronger Than Dirt

For some reason I cannot comprehend, today I had an unusual urge to listen to Strange Days by The Doors. Anyone who knows me knows I'm fairly fixated on music, especially the rock'n'roll of the 60s, so I guess that's not so odd on its face. However, while I loved them when I was 14, I've spent my adult life goofing on The Doors for being ponderous, pretentious, pompous and incredibly dated. What seemed poignant and significant and poetic during the days of LSD, Vietnam, LBJ and riots now tends to seem...well, bloated as all get-out.

Granted, a good chunk of that perception surely came from Oliver Stone's godawful film The Doors. Somehow Stone, who actually lived through Vietnam and the 60s, got the idea that The Doors were the cultural leaders of the era. Bob Dylan, Mick Jagger and John Lennon probably got a hearty belly laugh over that one. Anyway, Stone's artistic crimes, while numerous, are not those of Messrs. Morrison, Densmore, Manzarek and Kreiger, so I should be fair. It is telling, though, that Morrison and Stone both share a lack of subtlety and grace.

Another knock I always had against The Doors was Morrison's image - the doomed genius poet. Okay, Jim Morrison was a published poet, there's no way around that, it's a fact. It's also a fact that he was a really, really BAD poet. Okay, maybe that's opinion and not fact, but jeez louise, his poetry reeks, and I've never met anyone beyond a teenager or stoned out ex-hippie who thinks otherwise. Hey, so Morrison's poetry was bad and his song lyrics occasionally suffered from the same pomposity and mystical mumbo-jumbo...but is that so awful for an acid-rock band? I mean, I love Traffic, and their lyrics are just as psychedelically silly (Low Spark of High-Heeled Boys? Sure thing, Steve.), although perhaps not as portentious.

Now that I've bashed Morrison for his James Dean-on-acid posing and crap poetry, I should give him his props for what he was really good at - singing in a rock'n'roll band. He was a fantastic front man: charismatic, handsome, great voice, slightly insane, danced around, exposed himself--what more could you want?

And this is what brings me back to the beginning of what I was saying...The Doors, divorced from all the added "meaning" applied to them by their times and their dopey cult following, remain a really interesting, influential rock'n'roll band. They cut some great singles and some terrific albums. When you get away from all that cultural baggage, they're a lot of fun. So I'm sitting here listening to Strange Days and The Soft Parade, after not having listened to a full Doors album since...jeez...college, and I'm thoroughly enjoying it. No, I'm not going to confuse The Soft Parade with Beggar's Banquet or Highway 61 Revisited , but it's a fun listen. I've finally made peace with the goddamn Doors and that ridiculous Jim Morrison. Tell all the people.

The Ubiquitous Ms. Crow

Yahoo! News - Entertainment Photos - AP

There's the comely Sheryl Crow performing on the Today show this morning. I'm not even sure she was booked, she just saw the TV cameras and grabbed her guitar. Seriously, this just-above-middling talent has become the Bob Hope of rock'n'roll. There's nowhere she won't play if it'll get her some publicity. Remember how Hope spent his last 30 years or so letting his once-legendary comic talent drift away so he could be at every ribbon-cutting in North America? Now comes the latest, that Crow is going to perform in-air on a jet plane. As reported on mtv.com:

To christen the takeoff of a new partnership between Sony Connect and United Airlines, Sheryl Crow will perform a 40-minute acoustic set in an airplane flying between Chicago and Los Angeles on May 4. Upon landing, Crow will play a party celebrating the arrival of a new Sony digital Walkman. Soon after, fans can purchase the performances on mileageplusmusic.com. Sony Connect is Sony Music's digital online music service, offering songs for 99 cents a pop, and now that they've teamed with United Airlines, travelers can trade in frequent-flyer points for songs at Connect.com.

And people (well, out-of-touch people over 40) are blasting Bob Dylan for that creepily effective Victoria's Secret ad? I find it really humorous that Crow caused a stir last year by wearing a t-shirt with an anti-war message to some event--she's become as corporate as a rock star can get.

Posada Rules

Although I know he'll fade a bit down the stretch, as he does most years, I'm really enjoying Jorge Posada's ass-kicking April. He has seven homers, having bashed one in the Yankees 3-1 victory over Chicago last night, and is really building on the positive publicity his great 2003 season earned him. Last year, Posada's defense was probably the best of his career and he hit the tar out of the ball, and as usual for him, walked a lot. He's a power-hitting, on-base machine behind the plate and he doesn't look to be slowing down soon. I suppose now that Pudge Rodriguez is back in the AL, there's a full-on brawl for who the league's best catcher is (and Pudge is off to a nice start in his new digs in Detroit), but I couldn't be happier with Jorge. The Yankees had a tradition of great catchers, from Dickey to Berra to Howard to Munson, and then the chain was broken for the 80s and early 90s. Since Posada assumed the job, the chain has been restored.

Ya know, I score tickets for the Yankes and BoSox for tomorrow night and now they predict rain? Jeez louise.

Patriots' Day

The Yankees and RedSox are underway at Fenway already, and its not even 11:15 a.m. As much as I rag on the Sox, I love that they play this early (11 a.m.) Patriots' Day game every year. It's such a cool and weird tradition. I mean, what the heck is Patriots' Day anyway? Does anyone else in the US celebrate it? Okay, Michael Kay just told me it celebrates the anniversary of Paul Revere's ride. I guess I like the concept of a regional holiday. I think New York should do something similar, you know, close the banks and schools on LaGuardia's birthday or something. More holidays and weekday day games!
I haven't written much lately because I was having some annoying PC problems, some sort of spyware-related trojan horse/virus type deal. Everything seems fixed now, thanks largely to the good folks over at Computer Cops.
One last thing before I go watch the game...when you're out on the town, boozing down in Chinatown, watch out for those Royal Fucks. Whew!

Hope & Crosby

Mike Mussina finally got over that 199-win hump yesterday, unspectacularly winning his 200th game as the Yanks downed the ChiSox 5-4. Mussina looked a bit shaky at times, but he got the win thanks to Flash Gordon, Mo Rivera and the newest temporary New York sports hero, Bubba Crosby. Crosby came over to the Yankees in the Robin Ventura trade with the Dodgers, with absolutely no fanfare: he'd played in 9 games with LA in 2003 and gone 1 for 12. However, in a couple games over the past week with the Bronx Bombers, he's launched a pair of homeruns (including the decisive 3-run blast yesterday), driven in 5 runs and covered the outfield like a madman. He crashed into the wall making a huge play to save Mussina's day yesterday and made a couple other nifty catches in centerfield, covering a lot of ground. My brother Michael observed that he's a useful guy for these Yankees to have around: a career minor-leaguer getting a shot who has absolutely nothing to lose. Bernie Williams isn't going to go crashing into many walls at this point in his career, and frankly, we Yankee fans don't want him too. However, watching Bubba and his high socks running around centerfield with abandon was refreshing and fun. The fans at the stadium thought so too--they showered him with a standing ovation. I hope Bubba can play well enough to hang around this year and earn his keep as a key bench player. Maybe he's a reminder to the more jaded superstars of just how much fun baseball is, and how lucky they are to be playing it for a living, especially for a winner in New York City.

Opening Day

Sorry for the lack of an update...I was in Manhattan yesterday, had a slightly hectic morning today and now I'm busy watching the Yankees and White Sox, live from the big ballyard in the Bronx. Thus far....Vazquez looks terrific, love the movement he's getting...the Yankees offense keeps missing its chance to get in a knockout punch, but this is clearly a temporary problem--these guys get on base like crazy and will score a ton of runs...A-Rod is a really excellent baseball player, good baseball IQ as well as his obvious ability in the field and at the plate; I'm really happy I'll finally get to watch him play everyday...Jeter, while I love him and think he's criminally underrated by the Anti-Jeter people, is really a cruddy defensive SS; his reactions to the ball off the bat are getting worse...that said, once a play is in motion, there are few players I'd rather have on my team on the field...I know for some of you that will make absolutely no sense, but others may catch my drift.

Things You Didn't Know About...
Yankee Stadium

In stadium opener in 1923, Babe Ruth homered, then later streaked across the field during the 9th inning

Built on top of ancient Indian burial ground. Resulting ghosts allegedly tormented Yankees pitcher Ed Whitson during his tenure with the team.

Following his death in 1948, Babe Ruth's body laid in state at the Stadium. In 1984, the Yankees did the same with Toby Harrah, despite his still being alive and in the Yankee lineup.

Hall of Fame shortstop and beloved announcer Phil Rizzuto lived in a tent Monument Park for several years in the 1960s.

During WWII, hot dogs were replaced by hot Spam sandwiches

Yankee great Mickey Mantle once drove a Cadillac through the centerfield wall

And it's not even Easter...

Not that I had any doubt about it, but the sports media and New York fans are going to really try my patience more than ever this season. The Yankees lost in Tampa Bay last night, with Mike Mussina delivering a second sub-par (well, crappy) performance. Am I concerned? No. They've played THREE games and they haven't even been in New York yet. I think most rational fans would agree with me, and while I'm sure Red Sox fans get a nice chuckle when Tampa spanks the Yankes, I doubt many of them really think it's a sign of anything (any more than Yankees fans should read anything into Baltimore beating Boston the other night). However, it's become apparent that now more than ever, every Yankees loss will be greeted with an unhealthy does of Chicken Little behavior. Read the New York papers (especially the Post and News), listen to callers on WFAN or, worse still, read some posts by fans on the Yankees usenet group, alt.sports.baseball.ny-yankees. To believe those crackpots, Mussina's done and the team is in DEEP TROUBLE! Ha! It's amazing how many people have the whole Jerome from Manhattan mentality. I can't imagine these people were watching the team before 1996.

Opening Day, sort of

Well, NOW it should really feel like baseball season. The Red Sox got blasted by the Orioles last night, and today there's a nice slate of games that actually count. So, a week after the Yankees and Tampa Bay squared off in Japan, we're finally underway.
It's funny--even though it's one game, and I wasn't at all phased by the Yankees loss to Tampa in the first game in Tokyo, I was ecstatic to see Baltimore beat Pedro Martinez and the Sox last night. Is it some sort of omen for Pedro and thus, perhaps for the Red Sox? Most likely not, but it's fun to dream.
NCAA Men's Championship game tonight, which almost always makes for good TV. I don't follow NCAA hoops like I used to, and I've watched very little of this season and this tournament. That said, I like U Conn.

In unrelated news...
It's amazing how many places in and on your body don't feel just exactly right after a weekend of heavy boozing. I went to a close friend's wedding this weekend and we all hit the sauce like it was going out of style (which I don't really see happening any time soon). I had a great time, but OWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Yahoo! News - 145-plus arrested in bust of large Ecstasy ring

Yahoo! News - 145-plus arrested in bust of large Ecstasy ring

7 Reasons
Your kid may be on drugs...

1. Writes 15-page report on the history of China in seven minutes

2. Claims Thanksgiving turkey would be easier to carve if it would just stop screaming

3. While watching a KFC commercial he bursts into tears and shouts at the screen, "No, man, you do chicken wrong!"

4. Describes a Golden Girls rerun as "pretty freakin’ trippy"

5. Stays up all night playing Playstation. You don't own a Playstation.

6. Has heated arguments about the environment with an oak tree

7. Has volunteered to work on Ralph Nader's presidential campaign


This list was updated (only a little) from its orginal form from 2000. It was largely written by Scott "Ed Pancreas" Carson. I know he wrote #2 and #3, which are the two funniest jokes in the whole list. I'm pretty sure #6 and #7 were mine, and I like them, but that KFC joke gets me every time. I think Dan Kline wrote the Playstation joke, except that in 2000, it was a Nintendo (which was out of date even then). What's really funny is that the Nader joke works as well (or better) now than it did in 2000.

New Baseball Haiku

Okay, I suppose the Tokyo NY-TB series deserves a haiku or two.

Baseball starts again
Game begins at 5 a.m.?
No Cincinnati?

Boss issues statement
This is only the first game
A long season starts

Yes, I'm Back

After a length off-season, I've decided to resume blogging. Why? Who knows, but while I may have gotten bored with the blog over the winter, I now find I'm bored enough in general to want to spew observations out onto the web again. Yesterday I posted a comedy list, the sort of thing I did back in my Backslap.com days. Ahhh, those were fun. In fact, the list was really an updated, edited version of something written back then, in 2000. I found my old archive of material and realized that a good chunk of it was pretty funny, so I'll be revisiting some of that stuff. The trick is to find what's not terribly dated, or an idea that's not dated, but with dated topical references that need to be brought up to 2004. People seem to be chuckling though, so I'll keep posting it. It should be noted that a lot of the older stuff was written with Dan Kline and I wouldn't want to take ALL the credit. However, Dan, it sure isn't making me any money, so don't worry.

In other news, BASEBALL is back. Whew, that was a close one. It always seems to come back JUST in time. Playing in Japan for whatever reason, the Yanks split a 2 game series with the Devil Rays by pounding them 12-1 this morning/last night/tonight/yesterday/Easter Sunday/whatever time & day it was over there. Surly new Yank Kevin Brown looked damned good, as did the great Jorge Posada. Welcome back, baseball. You're a mess these days, but damned if you don't look good to me.

Yahoo! Sports - MLB - Yankees 12, Devil Rays 1

Things You Didn't Know About…

...Vice President Dick Cheney

Spent three years as a gag writer on "Hee Haw"

Reluctantly accepted Secretary of Defense slot after losing the lead role in Ghost

On a drunken bender in 1991, ordered invasion of Hawaii

Spent the years between Bush administrations as associate dean at a clown college in Kansas

Served as Congressman from Wyoming without having actually visited the state

Was principal architect behind President Ford's "Fall Down A Lot" policy

Sponsored legislation forcing NBC to keep "My Two Dads" on the air

Spent a night in jail after misinterpreting what it meant to be the House whip

Happy New Year

Hey...sorry I've been so lax about this log. Christmas came around and I was either working my tail off or running around getting ready for the holiday...finally, when I was done with those two, I was busy having fun. Thus, no blog for a couple weeks. Chances are you all were too busy to notice or care.
I hurt my hip last week, I think just from excessive time working on my feet. I haven't seen a doctor, and its gotten better each day, so I'm not concerned. It may have simply been a bad muscle pull, or bursitis or a pinched nerve-- who knows. All I know is that I woke up in the middle of the night on the 2nd with intense pain in my leg and hip, and when I hobbled out of bed to get some ibuprofen, I was cursing like a stevedore in pain. Yikes! I spent the weekend hobbling around on a cane and sitting on my ass watching football and movies. As of today, it's just a little sore and tight, but I can walk just fine and move around and all that jazz.
Luckily for me, some of the football games were good ones, like that great Tennessee-Baltimore game on Saturday and the equally great (if not more so) Green Bay-Seattle game yesterday.
Besides the football, I've been on an old movie kick of late. I watched the new DVD of Howard Hawks' To Have and Have Not, starring Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall. Bacall was all of 19 years old when she and Bogie fell in love making the movie. The romance shows, her age doesn't. It's not that she doesn't look young and beautiful, but she sure doesn't act like any 19 year old *I* know. The film is pure Hawks. William Faulkner may have co-written the script, adapted from Hemingway's novel, but the film's author is clearly Howard Hawks. Was you ever bit by a dead bee?